I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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