no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
