I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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