I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You may now shotgun with the bride
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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