Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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