Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
