Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
