you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
