Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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