remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
