He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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