Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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