saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
