They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
