What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
