My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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