it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
