I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
