Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
