Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
