dude i'm inner monologue high
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
