I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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