Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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