the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
