New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
