so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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