areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
