I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
