Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
ok first of all what the fuck
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
