i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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