Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
