The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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