1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
