they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We had sex on a dog bed..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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