i just google imaged poop.
im six kinds of drunk right now
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
