And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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