i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
