I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
