summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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