i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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