I hate all girls vehemently.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
