I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
