Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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