Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize