Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
