I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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