if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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