He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
