the condom got lost in my hair
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
