WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
