I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm passing your future prison.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I believe in your delicious
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
