People with herpes should wear stickers.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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