nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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