Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
