i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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