All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
