Tell her she can't have a vagina
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
