He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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