I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She's JV to your varsity
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize