I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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