i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
