no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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