a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
