Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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