i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize