we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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