Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
