i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
