Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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