Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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