It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
