Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
