I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We had sex on a dog bed..
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
