were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
