I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
