They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
