That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Barsexuality is the new black.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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