3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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