I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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