We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
