Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize