Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
