I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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