this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
