Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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