do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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