Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
