dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
